A lot of high-stakes poker players get haircuts at the salon in Bellagio. It’s obviously convenient and also happens to be the place where Phil Ivey goes most every day for a trim. My crowd tends to use the same dude that Phil uses. But I go my own way and have my hair cut by a girl there named Lacey – who, truth be told, I’m in love with (yes, she’s beautiful). I was en route to getting one of my increasingly frequent stylings when I received a text message from Dan Blizarean, a poker-playing buddy of mine.

   He had just bought two clunkers on craigslist and he was taking them out to the Mojave Desert. He wanted me to join him. Apparently, Dan told each of the sellers, “Meet me in the desert. I’m blowing up your car.” The guys pretty much responded, “Awesome.” They were happy to sell their junk.

   I considered meeting Dan. But, after I heard about the heavy-duty firearms he and his friends planned on bringing, I calculated that my chance of getting hit by a ricocheting bullet out there was about one-percent. Spending an hour in close proximity to Lacey seemed like better EV. So, while I was getting my hair cut, they hit the Mojave with sniper rifles and a 50-caliber machine gun. It fires bullets that explode on impact, and the cars were their targets.

   As Dan explained it to me, there were giant explosions, both cars caught on fire, and enormous smoke clouds billowed into the air. Before long, eight cop cars pulled up. Police officers had been called in to investigate. Dan and his crew were told that they can’t blow up cars in the desert because it qualifies as littering (an only-in-Vegas ordinance). But everything ultimately worked out okay. Dan and his boys promised to take the cops shooting in exchange for not getting a ticket.

Story in pictures below:

Shooting

 
Sniping

Close range

Dan on Fire

Aftermath

Uh oh

   I heard all about this on Saturday night. That’s when Dan had a bunch of us up to his new apartment for a UFC viewing party. As always, the matches were pretty cool – we did our usual Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who gets to bet on which fighters; sadly, I did not come out on top this time – but Dan’s place is the nuts. He moved into a 5,300-square-foot penthouse at Panorama and it’s the nicest one I’ve seen in Las Vegas. You actually feel like you’re in a house instead of an apartment. The funny thing is – with Vegas real estate being in the dumpster right now – I could get that kind of pad with two of my friends, we’d look like rockstars, and I wouldn’t pay much more rent than I do on my current place.

   I’ll think about that next week. Right now, I am far from the beautiful sickness of my favorite city. I’m in Kansas, spending Thanksgiving with the relatives, even though I’m sure the Bellagio will be bumping and that turkey dinner with my degenerate friends would be a blast. But don’t worry. It won’t be a gamble-free weekend. The Robls love to play $5.00 hold’em tournaments, and they’d never forgive me for soft playing. So I’m expecting to take the family to school over the next few days. Wish me luck.